China’s got the same stuff as America – just slightly different. Case in point: celebrity magazines. Every newsstand in this country has a boatload of crappy celebrity gossip rags and teen beat flyswatters. The two main differences between this stuff here and in America is 1) I have no clue who these people are or what salacious thing they did because it’s in Chinese and 2) something tells me the content is a little tamer than its American counterpart. … Beer Monster covered two classes for me last week because – due to insomnia – I didn’t sleep last Monday night and needed a nap Tuesday afternoon. These classes did group work today like all the others did last week. While helping one of the groups, I noticed one of these Chinese celebrity rags sitting on a girl’s desk. The cover girl was incredibly hot – a perfect 10. She was in a bathtub wearing a long white T-shirt that barely covered her ass. It was magnificent. I saw the magazine while I was speaking to a group. I believe what happened went like this, “Well, audience and spectators basically means the same thi—whoa! Who is that?”
A hoard of girls then told me the young lady on the magazine cover was a Chinese actress.
“She’s beautiful,” I said.
“No, she’s very ugly,” one girl said.
“No, I’m pretty sure she’s beautiful,” I said.
The girl looked as if one of her parents could have been from a western country. One of the girls opened the magazine to the story inside, where there were more pictures. One of them was of her sporting many bandages.
“She cut her face,” one girl said.
Another girl tried to explain further, but I understood. This actress had work done to look more western. Many models, actresses, and singers do that here, and many people hate them for it. … Yet, they are still popular enough to be the cover story for popular celebrity magazines. The girls continued to talk, but I cut them off.
“Ah OK, enough,” I said. “I think you should get back to work, and I’ll take another look and see if I care whether or not—”
I didn’t even have to finish. The girls sat down, laughing, and I took the magazine to the bathroom. … I’m joking; I swear. I looked at a few other pictures, and that was it. I noticed that they had pictures and gossip stories about American celebrities. … Apparently, Leo almost got kicked in the face at a Lakers game recently. Kevin Bacon was next to him. … But, the most interesting thing I saw in the magazine was the Beav Shots section. This magazine had two pages of famous Chinese women at the beach with total Beav Shotage. One chick was washing sand off her foot, holding her foot out in front of her – left the side of her Beav totally exposed.
Right about now, you’re probably thinking, “Wait, Gavin, I thought you said Chinese celebrity magazines were tame?” And to you, I say, chill out slick. There is no way to prove any of these were legitimate Beav Shots. One of the pictures is of a girl lying down on the beach sideways in front of the camera. First of all, it’s such a horrible angle that I doubt you can actually see Beav. Second, you can see part of her bikini bottom and then the rest is blurred. I’m pretty sure the bikini bottom continued through the blur, which means they may have been blurring nothing just to humiliate her, which is possible and sounds like something an American magazine would do – or, it’s blurring pubic hair that the bikini did not cover. And, believe me when I say that is entirely possible. My friends the world is divided into two kinds of countries: Big Bush countries and Little Bush countries, and China is definitely the former.
Hell, China should be famous for its Outback – BOOM! …
That doesn’t even make any sense, but I think it’s funny.
Seriously, though, I think US Magazine or Newsweek would’ve shown the pubic hair. Rolling Stone definitely would have. They showed Brittany Spears’ happy trail back in the day. … See, same shit just different.